I read a blog post last night that was short and sweet, surrounded by pictures of love. There was one line that really struck something inside. First, however, I'd like to retrace my steps and look back at the beginning - as I sit here with my coffee, I'm (almost) wondering just how it is I got here..
A few years ago I got divorced, it was as though a switch was flipped and we both just weren't in love anymore. It was so clear to us both, neither was sad, we both moved on and we remain great friends. This is how divorce should be right? We were young and silly (3 weeks met to marriage) and marriage just wasn't good for us.
After moving out, I met a man. He was in a band that played in town. I was in front of the stage when a security guy approached me and told me that the singer wanted me to be at the after party. I don't know what I was execting, nor was I really a partier then, but of course I went. We met up at the bar and spent the entire night (past closing time!) talking outside on the patio in the summer rain. I was In Love. He encouraged me to move to the LM and we spent 2 years together. It was a beautiful relationship. We were so crazy about each other! Only, after 2 years it became very apparent that I could not have kids with this man. An exciting lifestyle, but I wanted a family and home.
Having an amazing relationship and an amazing divorce behind me, I'm now wanting the amazing marriage. I want that short and sweet blog post on my page. I met Alan during my relationship and we became close friends straight away. He was married but his wife always called me up to take him out as she 'couldn't handle a date with him'. Movies, golfing, we always had fun together. We had a good circle of friends and he played a key role in Gavin's first childcare experiences. Extremely long story, but his wife let me in on her secret that she was cheating the entire marriage. I couldn't hold this news to myself as much as I would have liked to and I told him. I helped him through his divorce as a good friend and somehow we got to this. We decided to get married and did (no engagement!) and started trying for babies. Right from the start we have been close friends and we had a good marriage. As I look from the outside in at other marriages, I wonder very quietly to myself if I am that in love...do I feel that way towards my husband? If not, is that because of recent events or is that a true feeling? I find myself actually wondering if I do miss him...
Of course I love him, don't get me wrong there. This man is the father of my babies, he's my best friend. I love him so much. Do I trust him fully and completly? No. Do we have things we both need to work on? Hells yes. Is it going to be worth all the work in the long run? How does anyone know? But my promise to myself is now this, that I will have no regrets with life and I will always have fun and happiness. I will go to my counsilling, the marriage councillor and I will do what it takes to save this marriage. If it's not meant to be, it simply won't be, and I'll be okay with that.
counseling is a great move, whether it saves your marriage or not there are still many awesome things you can take away from counselling for just yourself and how to make this divorce and equally amazing one.
ReplyDeleteI've always believed that people need to earn the right to end a marriage(of course this depends upon the partner as well, some people just don't deserve the chance to fix it). If you feel you need to do this then go for it, give it all you've got and know that no matter how it turns out you did all you could.
You, my friend, sound like such an incredible and loving woman. You deserve the amazing marriage.
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed that this is just a bump in the road that you both can grow from.